Criminals Among Us

Fayettevillians should feel safe. While they're sleeping at night, that infamous menace to society, Wayne Fincher, is locked securely away in a federal prison down in Fort Smith. Well, okay, Fincher doesn't have a criminal history. But after an 8-month investigation by the US Treasury Department, in which it was determined that Fincher failed to obtain permits for a couple of weapons he had made, the federal government thuggishly arrested him, rescuing his community from the possibility that Fincher would continue abiding among them in much the same way he lived his first 60 years in their midst: without a problem. He's not yet been found guilty, but don't worry- neither is he out on bond due to the steep terms insisted on by the federal government and agreed to by the fearful magistrate: $250,000, the deed to his family farm, banishment from said premises while remaining under house arrest at his daughter's abode, and no contact with his friends in the Washington county militia. Smelling a rat, Fincher balked at the "offer." So the people of Northwest Arkansas can all sleep peacefully knowing he's rotting in jail.

But wait. I forgot to mention...