"Internal Poll" on GOP Senate Primary

Stephens Media contracted reputable pollster Mason-Dixon to conduct a poll on the GOP Senate nomination. The poll showed Boozman leading, and threatening a win without a run-off with 48%. Outsider Jim Holt surged to second place with 17%. The insider's former horse in the race (before Boozman was enticed in because I suspect that they realized Baker was not doing the job of stopping Holt) is Senator Gilbert Baker. He dropped to 11% in this poll. None of the other candidates, outsiders all, are even close to double digits.

In an effort to counteract the disaster that this poll represents for the Baker campaign, they released the results of their own "internal poll". They claim it showed 44% Boozman, 22% Baker, and 8% Holt. Bwahahahahahahah. Right.

In honor of their creativity, I am releasing my own "internal poll" on the race. It has a margin of error of about 18 inches, since that is the approximate width of my body trunk. Bear in mind this poll has every bit as much validity as the one the Baker campaign released, and even more credibility because I am not insulting your intelligence by asking you to buy it.

Anyway, in this poll it is Holt that has the 22% and Baker that has the 8%. Notice that the results of my little "internal poll" are much closer to the results of those from the reputable polling firm of Mason-Dixon than is the "internal poll" released by the Baker camp.

One big difference is that in my "internal poll" there is almost no support for Boozman, except for a small area in the exact center of my body. This fits what I know about Boozman being the candidate of the insiders. The rest of Boozman's support comes from uninformed voters. They don't know about his votes for the bailouts, the massive spending votes, and they don't know he has become a Washington Insider, the GOP's Blanche Lincoln. Since every single part of my body is highly informed, that section of Boozman's support did not show up in my "internal poll."

Baker's support was concentrated in my lower intestines, particularly among those who may develop into colon polyps. About 12-24 hours after a big meal, Baker's support increases because of what I get more full of.

Holt's support is very strong in my heart and my head, but the majority in my internal poll tell me that Washington is so messed up that I better not get wrapped up on the idea that any of these guys can or will "fix it."