Thursday, February 18, 2016

Pimps Against Prostitution!

Huggy-Bear Daddy Cool looked dazzling in his lime-green silk suit. A felt hat sporting a tall peacock feather sat atop his head at a rakish angle as he manned the podium. Behind him, a loose group of seedy looking men in similar attire stood more or less attentively. The banner in front of them read "Pimps Against Prostitution".

"There have been slanderous accusations" began Huggy-Bear Daddy Cool (HBDC) "that we favor prostitution. Nothing could be further from the truth. I, we, all of these with me here, are strongly opposed to prostitution. Some of us are facing jury trials soon, and we want to make sure anyone voting out there understands the truth- we are against prostitution!"

"Then why are all of you organizing prostitution rings?" shouted a blogger from the audience. The members of the establishment press in attendance looked with disdain at the questioner.

"See" said HBDC "that is the sort of unfair conclusion that some partisan folks are jumping too. We are very much opposed to prostitution and we resent the false claims of these irresponsible trouble makers who say that we are for it. There is no truth to the accusation that what we do means that we support prostitution. The truth is, because of our great opposition to prostitution, we would never organize prostitution rings if it were not for the fact that if we failed to do so, we would be turning down a lot of money. That's the only reason we reluctantly went along with organizing prostitution rings. I assure you that if there were no money involved then we would not be doing it, therefore we are opposed to it."

"We have to live in the real world. If we turned down the money, some other pimps would still take it. Also, we have stables of young people who are now counting on our programs to pay their bills. Without this program, what would they do? Besides, we can't make our budgets balance without this money."

A member of the establishment media piped up enthusiastically "Can we do a puff piece on some of the young women you have helped pay their bills, and also, where do you shop for clothes?"

"Sure" replied HBDC,"We can hook you up. It's what we do." He started to grin but caught himself, "Not that we want to. We are really against the whole thing!"

The blogger spoke up again: "Being 'opposed' to something used to mean that you would not do it. Where did you get the idea of changing the definition of 'opposed' to mean 'we won't do it unless you pay us to'? Also, under your new definition, aren't most people 'opposed' to working for a living, since most of us would not do it if they were not getting paid?" The establishment media members began a series of groans and eye rolls in response to the inquiry.

HBDC glowered at the blogger. "We got the idea from our clients which is why I can't say anymore about it. We keep the identity of our clients confidential, especially when they are politicians...."

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